I think of her every single day. More than once.
I miss her still and though that loss will never fade
it ebbs and flows like the tides. Sometimes crashing like waves
against a sea wall and other times distant and gray on the horizon of
my day.
Always there though.
Always there.
Often these last few hard years I have wondered what her advice
to me would sound like. Usually I decide it would sound like
Keep on going, Honey.
You don't really have a choice.
Just do what you need to do.
You're doing just fine.
And so I keep going. Doing what needs to be done.
When I grow weary of the going and the doing I feel my soul
looking for her. Reaching and stretching towards her like the arms of my sweet grand-babies reaching towards their own mamas.
My heart is just hoping for a glimpse is all.
Just yearning for a brief moment
Just yearning for a brief moment
as the child again.
Easter morning I caught that glimpse when I woke early to get
Sunday lunch started before church.
Sunday lunch started before church.
Already dressed in my Sunday best
and wrapped up in one of her aprons I put the
butter beans on to cook and I almost heard her whisper.
In an instant I flew through years to those Sunday mornings
when I woke to the sounds of her in the kitchen starting Sunday lunch
even before the rest of us were ready for breakfast.
Just for a moment
Just for a moment
I saw her with that same apron over her Sunday dress.
Just for a breath
as my heart stretched towards hers
I felt her right there beside me.
And my mama held me again.
It made the day with my own precious angels all the sweeter.