Some things just need to be said.
Migraines, I HATE you.
We have been in this relationship for 34 years now and frankly,
it is a relationship I never wanted.
You have robbed me of hours, days-dare I say weeks, of fun, family time, productivity and even sleep
and I want out!

Also, migraines....you made me have to subtract 15 from 49 just now.
First of all, subtraction is hard
and second of all,
whaddaya mean I'm that old?

Hormones. You are getting on my nerves. The reason is spelled h-o-t-f-l-a-s-h.

Students, you have turned into head spinning,
loud talking,
crazy acting,
alien possesed,
whirling tornadoes of arms and legs.
Your teachers are walking around with wide-eyed stares mumbling over and over, "School is not out yet, we still have rules around here!"
Someone may be delivering this message in a loud, outdoor voice.
I'm not gonna say who it might be. 

Plus.....I'm gonna miss you so! You make every day an adventure and I am so very proud of you!

Weather, you are too hot for May. I am not the only one who feels this way.

Dogs, all FIVE of you. (I know, I know. There are five of them. It's crazy.) Listen carefully. You stink and your hair is falling out entirely too much. Please do what you can to rectify this situation.

DVR, I think I love you.

Smart Phone, you are not very smart.
You somehow make random changes and also. Your screen freezes.

Yarn, embroidery thread, material, paint and Cricut, I am sorry I have neglected you. Actually using you would cut into my craft and home decor blog surfing time way too much. However, I continue to diligently save blog posts containing awesome ideas.

Classroom, you are messy. Desk, I find you especially offensive. On a related note, paperwork....I think I hate you.

Naps, you are my BFF.

Bed, I still love you.

Alarm clock, your days are numbered.
I'll be the one sleeping in next week.

Just sayin'............

What a difference a few days make!

Marlin is off the vent,

eating soft foods and

taking some liquids!

He is walking with help

and talking!

Our family has heaved a collective sigh of relief.

Things just haven't let up over the last year and a half.

We are learning that everything in this life is temporary.

The good and the bad.......
None of it lasts forever.

I murmured these phrases over and over to Marlin
as he fought the ventilator and the sedation.

This is temporary.
Relax. Don't fight so hard.
This is temporary.
Rest. I'm right here.
This is temporary.
It wont be like this for long.

As my nerves try to adjust to life
out from under the guillotine,
it has occurred to me
that those phases came from a place
outside of me.

I believe they came from God.
For although, I do not yet know if Marlin
remembers any of those words
and have no idea if they were of any comfort to him

This I do know.

They brought great comfort and peace to my heart and soul.
I believe this is what God would say to me and to others as well.

This is temporary.
Relax. Don't fight so hard.
This is temporary.
Rest. I'm right here.
This is temporary.
It wont be like this for long.

Tonight when things that shouldn't matter...
matter too much,
I am reminded that
this life
here on this earth
is only
temporary.

Cherish the good times and the routine days.
For they are temporary.
Endure the bad times and the dark days.
For they are temporary.

Just sayin'.....................................

Have you ever had an issue that could turn your day from bright and sunny to cloudy with a chance of thunderstorms?

I have a few of those. 

They stick in my throat like a peanut butter sandwich on fresh bread sticks to the roof of your mouth.

The difference is that there is nothing good about it.
It is unpleasant from start to finish and there doesn't seem to be a way to avoid the whole process.

I wish I felt differently about things.

I wish I was always the better person.

But I am not.

I detest feeling used and taken for granted. 

I detest my usual laid back attitude being used to the advantage of an agenda that is counterproductive to my stress level and therefore my sanity.

Please don't advise honesty or forthrightness. 
They have not worked in the past and so most likely never will.
Some people are masters at seeing and hearing only those things that meet their needs.

I know you are thinking about forgiveness.
Why doesn't she forgive and move on?
Forgiveness is elusive.  Never as easily granted as it is advised.

My first name means grace.
My middle means bitter.

When examined objectively my names are an honest assessment of my personality. Generally, I am capable of extending grace to those surrounding me. I can look beyond slights, insults, and dislike to extend grace. 

There are some things though...steeped in bitterness.
Things I have been told are even deserving of bitterness.

I just wish I knew how to be the one that gets the prize once in a while. 

     

Dr Friend

I have known Dr. Friend for years.
I knew him before he became my doctor.
That's why I call him Dr. Friend.

I take full advantage of that friendship.
I admit that I talk back to him, self diagnose,
disagree with his diagnosis, remind him of memorable
embarrassing moments at inappropriate times and I
have even accused him of wanting to 'scope' me just so
could have some ammunition ofhis own.

I think he really likes it when I
have an appointment.

So I went to see Dr. Friend whose PA
pronounced me possessed depressed.

I was there for a follow up on the high blood pressure
reading I had last time. The time I promised him
that if he would hold off on the medication
I would walk. 
I promise!
For real!

So...he gave me a month.

I knew that if I went in this time and was honest
about all of my various complaints that out would
come the Depression checklist.

I was honest. I said that I couldn't sleep.
I'm always tired. I'm grumpy, fat and I worry a lot.

She got Dr Friendly. She told me she was
going to tell him she thought I was depressed.

Sigh.
Out it came. The list.

Do you feel sad?
Yes, Duh. My mom just
died and so did my cat. Not that they were on the
same par but still.....come on!
As if my mom dying isn't enough?
My cat!
Dies too!
Jeez.

Are you sleeping well?
No. Not since I spent several days functioning on
two hours of sleep at night and a two hour nap during the day.

Huh?
Well I couldn't leave her. I couldn't trust anyone else
to watch her breathe like I could. I had help. 
I just couldn't leave her.

Have you been exercising?
(Smile) Yeah right.
Like that's gonna happen.
Oh shoot! I was gonna try
to avoid that confession.

Are you anxious? Worried?
Well, only about making the four mortgages and
if Governor Traitor will furlough me more and if
we will ever sell or rent any of these houses and
who I will be working with next yearand....
well the list goes on.
Because worry? It's what I do best.

In the end, I left with instructions to exercise
(and he doesn't care if I'm too tired or not just do it),
eat healthier and up that medication that NO ONE ever
wants me to skip.

Whatever...
He's bossy.

Anyway, my blood pressure was perfect.

Just sayin'.............................

Remember

Remember.

To feel content
In this
Moment.
Of this day.

To see.
Really see the small
Details.
The ones that
Underpin our days
With routine
And dependability.

To love.
Love out loud
Those we see every day.
The ones there when
We sleep and again
When we wake.

To trust.
Choose to trust in a
God we will never
Understand
Because he is God.
And we are not.

To hate.
Hate all manner of
Unkindness
And injustice.

To act.
To do something.
Anything.
Just do it.

To wait.
Wait
on the still,
small voice.
The one so very hard to hear
In the cacophony of life.

To listen.
To God,
To children,
To birds
And crickets
And frogs.

And to Believe.
Believe in
Faith,
Hope and
Love.
But mostly-

Love.