The Baby Brother

I am typing this on my iPad (thank you Steve) and wondering why I can't choose my usual color or font.

Oh well, at least I am not sitting in a chair at Grady Hospital, squinting at my phone and trying to update friends and family on the condition of my little brother.

Instead, I am comfortably propped up in bed as I look for the words worthy of this update.

I wonder if these phrases will work:
Heart swelling pride
Teary eyed thankfulness
Humble appreciation for God's grace

Have you prayed for something for years and years?
Have you prayed so long for something that you worried
the words were too rote or too familiar to reach the ears of God?
Have you ever prayed for something for so long
that you had to grit your teeth and force yourself
to say the words because your faith had grown thin?

I have.

Oh, how I wish that I could shout this story in all caps so that you would all know what I know.
But, as always, I will only tell the stories that are mine to tell.

Know this-
my baby brother may look like a fabulously handsome Clark Kent
(note to Marlin-I in no way consider you as plain looking as the many actors who portrayed Superman and use this comparison only for literary purposes)
but beneath that very attractive exterior lies a superhero.

He has been my hero at many points in my life.
He allowed me to ride on his social coat tails on the many occasions
my shyness made me seem unfriendly dorky.
Marlin made friends easily and he was almost always willing to pave the way
for his awkward older sister. And while I often relied on his confidence and
charisma to make things easier for me, God help you if you insulted him or hurt
him in any way. After all, he was my baby brother.

Marlin was often braver than I was and I sometimes have a very difficult time
remaining composed when I think of things he faced down alone.
He didn't have to but he didn't know that at the time.

During most of my teenage years I had a reoccurring nightmare that scared the
ever-loving stuffing out of me and frankly still does a little.

Okay,okay a lot.
And I can still remember every horrifying detail of that silly dream.

Anyway, my little brother rarely complained when I woke him to keep me company
and keep a little black dog named Midnight who had the head of a Chinese man
from getting me.

Google Hop Sing from the old western Bonanza and you'll be looking at the

face in my dreams.

Stop laughing. I'm baring my soul here people. And it is a known fact that  we
lived in a very spooky 100 year old house.
The stories I have about that house........

Anyway.

Brother of mine, you have taught me so much over our lifetime.
Although you never managed to teach me to dance or sing you
taught me to be true to who I am proud of what makes me-
me.

But best of all,
you taught me that it is never too late for God's grace
and for Him to make us the person
He had planned for us to be all along.

My heart now bears witness to what my head has always known.

You taught me that our prayers really are ALWAYS heard.

Here's to 60 and to 90 and to all the other milestones we will mark together!

You rock, dude.
Okay, so I'm still a dork.

I'll always love you and I'll always be there to throw rocks at anyone that
picks on you.

P.S.-Mama's proud too. I can feel it all the way from heaven.

More About The Brother

Two of my favorite people took a walk a few days ago.

The man on the left is my brother. He has cheated death
more times than I care to count. I believe God has a few
plans for him.

After weeks-literally weeks- of watching over him as he
struggled to heal and to wake safely from a coma it is
more incredible than you know to see him walking.

Better than watching him walk though, is the sound of his voice!

My brother has a long way to go to reach full recovery.
He is staying with the other man in the photo.

My father.

My dad and sister are juggling tax season along with caring
for my brother. He has physical therepy, occupational therepy,
dental appointments, vision exams, weight to regain and lots
of other things I'm sure I don't know about.

Thanks, Sis!
Thanks, Dad!
Thanks, little brother for coming back to us!

Make New Friends But Keep The Old!

Last night we celebrated the engagement of two very special people. I'll tell you all about the great party we had in another post. I stayed up way too late but we sure did have fun!

I spent most of today sleeping away the stress of the last four weeks.

When I finally drug myself from bed and found my cell phone

I saw that I gotten a text message from a friend with this picture attached.

You have no idea how good it is to see this face. This is my little brother and doesn't he look incredible in his chic hospital attire?

He is ready to transition to my parent's house in Milledgeville where he will spend the next few weeks recuperating.

Speaking of Milledgeville.......

Marlin and the rest of us has had so much love and prayers sent our way during this marathon and I have to say that the Milledgeville portion of our support system absolutely personified God's love and illustrated once again one of the

best things about southern, small town life.

Many of the high school friends Marlin and I shared wore out the phone lines with calls and texts and checked in on him through this blog and Facebook.

Friends I have foolishly lost contact with, stepped up and visited, prayed and generally made us all feel loved. I am so mad with myself for allowing so many of those wonderful friendships fall by the waysides of life and I plan to be a better friend.

Believe me when I say that they have shown me how to do so. 

Hearing from and visiting with these friends felt like stepping back in time.

Back to the days we lived on West Washington Street right behind Moore's Funeral Home.

Back to the days my mama would look out our kitchen window upon hearing the hearse doors slamming and announce 'Moores has a body.'

Reaching for the radio that sat near that window and turning it on she would lean on the counter while she waited for the local radio station to begin it's daily list of obituaries. (I am NOT lying) 

If the wait was too long she merely called Mrs. Moore who lived in a home next to the funeral home to ask 'Who have y'all got?'  Many times that information meant we had some cooking to do.

To all those old and treasured friends....y'all did your mama's proud!

Now where's the fried chicken, tater salad and pound cake????

Just sayin'.................

P.S.

If my dad is reading this post I'll bet he is singing this song.

Make new friends,

but keep the old.
One is silver,
the other is gold.

A circle is round,
it has no end.
That's how long,
I will be your friend.

A fire burns bright,
it warms the heart.
We've been friends,
from the very start.

You have one hand,
I have the other.
Put them together,
We have each other.

Silver is precious,
Gold is too.
I am precious,
and so are you.

You help me,
and I'll help you
and together
we will see it through.

What a difference a few days make!

Marlin is off the vent,

eating soft foods and

taking some liquids!

He is walking with help

and talking!

Our family has heaved a collective sigh of relief.

Things just haven't let up over the last year and a half.

We are learning that everything in this life is temporary.

The good and the bad.......
None of it lasts forever.

I murmured these phrases over and over to Marlin
as he fought the ventilator and the sedation.

This is temporary.
Relax. Don't fight so hard.
This is temporary.
Rest. I'm right here.
This is temporary.
It wont be like this for long.

As my nerves try to adjust to life
out from under the guillotine,
it has occurred to me
that those phases came from a place
outside of me.

I believe they came from God.
For although, I do not yet know if Marlin
remembers any of those words
and have no idea if they were of any comfort to him

This I do know.

They brought great comfort and peace to my heart and soul.
I believe this is what God would say to me and to others as well.

This is temporary.
Relax. Don't fight so hard.
This is temporary.
Rest. I'm right here.
This is temporary.
It wont be like this for long.

Tonight when things that shouldn't matter...
matter too much,
I am reminded that
this life
here on this earth
is only
temporary.

Cherish the good times and the routine days.
For they are temporary.
Endure the bad times and the dark days.
For they are temporary.

Just sayin'.....................................

And The Hits Just Keep On Coming

Good News First

Doctors have been slowly reducing the dosage of the sedatives Marlin is receiving and he is beginning to wake up. My father says that he is restless but he is hanging in there.  We are praying that they can remove him from the vent very soon. His skin grafts have been very successful and they are quite pleased with their healing.

We have a new emergency situation to ask you to pray about.

I received a phone call just a few moments ago. My niece, Jamey, was calling to let me know that my sister-in-law's mom (We all call her Nana) may have had a stroke. The Milledgeville branch of our clan is headed to the hospital as I type this.

Please pray for our family.

It feels as if we have targets on our backs lately.

Just sayin'.........................

Just a quick update tonight.

Marlin was heavily sedated again today.
His pneumonia continues to be a major issue.
His blood pressure is unstable and goes from too low to too high.
Dad says that he was very still all day and did not have any wakeful times but that was due to the level of sedation.

The good news is that Marlin is stronger than most people realize.
In the past year and a half or so, he has fought and BEAT cancer, dealt with the death of our mother and lost everything he owned to a fire.

He has some mountains to climb.
Another fire. 
Serious burns.
Pneumonia.
And again, the loss of everything he owns.

I am re-listing our pray requests and I want to thank those of you who have asked churches and friends all over the U.S. to pray for my brother.
It means the world to us.

Please join us in thanking God for:
the sincere and generous desire of Marlin's Atlanta friends, employer and co-workers to help in any way they can. Several have provided food for us to keep in our rooms and helped in other ways. 
the love his friends have for Marlin
the amazing support from friends Marlin and I had as far back as middle school and high school. WOW! That's all I can say about you guys...

Please join us in asking for:
complete healing of the serious burns and skin grafts on Marlin's legs
wisdom and revelation for the doctors
healing from the pneumonia
continued travel safety and 'walking safety'
peace and serenity for Marlin
pain relief
removal from the ventilator as soon as possible
strength and good health for Dad and Genie as they are in the midst of their busiest time of year. This situation has them burning candles at both ends and in the middle.

I am headed to bed.

Honestly, I am running on fumes myself.

Just sayin'.....................

I wish I were posting a more positive update on Marlin's condition.

Doctors performed another bronchoscopy today and said that one lung is looking pretty bad.

It is frustrating to think that his perfectly healthy lungs have been compromised by the doctor's insistance that he remain on the vent due to agitation.

Actually it is more than frustrating. I am furious.

I believe this could have been avoided.

If I find out that I am right?

Well then...............

Hell hath no fury.

Just sayin'.................

On a calmer note,

Please continue the prayers.

Oh, and thank you!
Thank you so, so much!

Next Up-Pneumonia

It was really just a matter of time.

Yesterday, Marlin's doctors asked for permission to perform a bronchoscopy. They felt it necessary to take samples for testing and to remove some of the fluids that seemed to be building up in his lungs.

This morning they called me as Genie and I were just finishing up with breakfast to ask permission to do another one.

Seems the samples from yesterday grew out pneumonia.

Genie headed back inside the hospital to sign the paper work and I headed home for a few days.

Pneumonia is why I have been so eager for him to be taken off the ventilator.

Frankly, I still don't understand why he has remained on for this long. It seems like each doctor I ask....

has a different answer. 

One doctor says that Marlin is having too much difficulty waking up from the sedation. That he should be more awake right now and that we have to wait until that happens.

Another says that he becomes too agitated when he does wake up.

And that he needs to wake calmly.

Huh?

I don't think I would wake calmly in this situation.

I know these doctors are top notch.

Grady is a Level 1 Trauma Hospital and person after person has told me that this is where we need to be.  More importantly, I have witnessed the level of compassion and the expertise they have.

Well.......there is one I don't exactly love,

but now that I have diagnosed him I understand how to deal with him. 

I'll write all about Dr. Aspergers another day. Just know that he can't really help his lack of bedside manners.

All joking aside, I know who the real doctors are. 

But................................................................

(You knew there would be one didn't you?)

I am who I am.

I need to know the whys and the becauses.

My own doctor knows that I can be irritatingly non-compliant until I know WHY.

We are frustrated. 

It is so very hard to be unable to help Marlin. 

Here are the prayer requests we have for today.

I hope it is helpful to have a list of specific needs.

It is immensely comforting to us as a family to know that many others are praying for the same things we are.

Please join us in thanking God for:

the complete healing of the burns on Marlin's face, head and hands.

the doctors and nurses who care for him

the nurses who have gone above and beyond

the suite of rooms that we have available now for sleeping and showering

the safe travels we have all had to and from Atlanta

the safety we have had walking to and from our rooms and the hospital

Please join us in asking for:

complete healing of the serious burns and skin grafts on Marlin's legs

wisdom and revelation for the doctors as they search for an answer to this continued state of semi consciousness

healing from the pneumonia
continued travel safety and 'walking safety'
peace and serenity for Marlin as he wakes and as he remembers what has happened
pain relief
removal from the ventilator as soon as possible 


Also, please feel free to share this blog address and our need for prayers with your own friends and family.

Every prayer matters......


Just sayin'.......................................

Feeling Sorry for Myself

Long ago, I ceased forcing my own children to apologize and extended that policy into my classroom.

You see, it occurred to me that an insincere apology means
nothing.

Apologies are for mistakes.

Apologies are for actions for which you feel regret.

I now tell my students that saying, “I’m sorry” is what you do when your action was an accident. I tell them that you should apologize as soon as you realize you have accidentally hurt someone.

I also tell them that when we purposely do something hurtful
and we feel no regret then apologies mean
nothing. 

When this happens I dole out the consequence and tell the offender to apologize when they are really sorry for what happened.

In the same way,

concern expressed out of guilt is not sincere concern.

Concern expressed because it is the ‘right thing’ to do is false.

Concern expressed because it has been requested of you, is a lie.

A serious accident,
like that suffered by my brother,
can leave loved ones feeling unbalanced.

The realization that bad things happen
to your people too
is dizzying.

The disinterest of the very people you assumed would jump into action,
is heartbreaking.

Never for one moment think,
that I don’t appreciate those who did respond quickly and generously.

You know who you are and you will remain forever heroes to my family and me.

It’s just that…….

I thought my church would be first responders.

I have seen them jump to action to love sinners of all kind.

I assumed that they would love on this sinner too.

Marlin’s accident is no secret.
It has been all over Facebook and I am FB friends with most of the ministers and many church members.

The church members I HAVE heard from?
Except for one they are also co-workers.

If you have been reading this blog for any length of time then you know how it is where I work.
We take care of each other.

I NEVER complain about church stuff lightly.

I am a preacher’s kid.
I have never forgotten the time my dad was blessed out for not visiting or calling to check on a church member when the family had never called to tell him that they were in crisis.

I know how hard pastors work and
I know all about missed meals with the family
and long hours and being expected to be at every.single.event.

But the church is more than ministers.

I learned a little poem as a child.
Here’s the church. (Clasp hands together with fingers to inside.)
Here’s the steeple. (Place tips of index fingers together)
Open the door. (Open palms)
Here’s all the people. (Wiggle fingers)

The church is full of people.

I heard from one.

My feelings are hurt.

I thought I mattered too.

I feel small.
Unimportant.



Just sayin’…………………………………..

SOS

I just tried to type the word 'WOW' but I actually typed SOS.

Freudian slip?  You betcha!

I am feeling the stress today.

SOS is quite appropriate.

I am not sleeping, my chest is tight and my neck and
shoulders are as tight as a Marine's bunk during
basic training. And I'm hanging on to some hurt feelings
and disappointments.

I need some serious relaxation.

I'm thinking a good book, warm sun, waves and
sand between my toes kind of relaxation.

Marlin is improving but I think he might tell
you that he had a crappy day.

He is still on the vent via a tracheotomy.
His skin grafts are looking good.
He is awake and aware.
He is not.very.happy.at.all!

I really can't blame him and I may be projecting
my own issues onto him.  However, i have to believe
that waking up to a machine breathing for you is
more that a little frightening, uncomfortable and
frustrating.

I hate not being there with him and I dread going back
on Thursday.  I don't dread taking care of my brother and
I don't dread the drive up or getting behind on housework
or work work. :)

I dread the helplessness I know I will feel.
I dread not being able to make it better.

We have several prayer requests tonight.

Complete healing for his burns and successful
skin grafts.
That no more surgery will be needed.
Stable vital signs.
Peace for Marlin's mind. Perfect peace that
comes from God.
Rest for Marlin tonight and a peaceful, restful
day tomorrow.
Quick resolution of the lung issues that require
him to be on a ventilator.
Wisdom for the doctors and nurses and compassion from
them also.
Good rest and productive, peaceful days for Genie as she
divides her time between tax season, pastoring a church and
taking a turn caring for our brother.
Good health and safe travel for our dad who seems to think
he is really just an elderly looking 25 year old.

If you have any time left over I could use some prayer, too.

I'm struggling.
And I know I don't have too.
But it's hard for me to open up my fist
and let go of MY plan and wait for God
to reveal His plan.

It's so very much easier said than done.

SOS, Lord.

Just sayin'.............................

My father is with Marlin now and will be watching over him until Wednesday night when Marlin's great friend and life saver, Chris, will be there.  The plan is for me to drive up early Thursday morning and stay until Friday night or Saturday morning.

Tomorrow morning surgeons will perform a tracheotomy.  Apparently this is to avoid the development of scar tissue in the trachea and is more comfortable for the patient. They are also hoping to perform the skin graft needed on one of his legs.  The plan is to wake him when the tracheotomy and skin graft are done.

Just the thought of a machine in control of my breathing is enough to make me hyperventilate. It took hours for me to breathe normally after watching The Abyss. For you younger folks The Abyss is a movie that was released in 1989

Of course I barely remember it. I think I was five or six when I saw it.

Anyway..................

We have some prayer requests we would love to for you to take to God on Marlin's behalf.

Pray that the surgery goes well with no complications and that the surgeons will indeed be able to do the skin graft.

Pray that Marlin's lungs will heal quickly and no longer need the help of the ventilator.

Pray his vital signs to remain normal and that he be able to wake up after the surgery.

Pray for Marlin's emotional state upon waking up. To him, it will be as though the fire just happened.  This has been a horrible blow to him as this is the second time he has lost everything to a house fire.

If it matters to you, this fire was not Marlin's fault.  It was just another terrible accident.  I will tell the story another day.

Pray that Marlin will heal quickly, feel God's arms wrapped around him and know that he is loved.

Thanks for checking in...........

Just sayin'...............

Genie was with Marlin again today and I was able to get in another day of work.

It is funny how healing those little critters can be.

We were all so happy to see each other yesterday.
How can you not be happy to see little people that adore you.
At least once a day someone says, "This is the best job in the world."
Of course that is usually said just before you have to inform a little darling that tissues are quite handy for certain nasal problems.
Despite the hazards of winter colds and false spring allergies little kiddos are good medicine for the sore of heart.

Marlin's status remains about the same.

Yesterday his doctors were talking about moving towards weaning him from the ventilator but he has had fever again today. They are now telling us that they would like to perform a tracheotomy and continue to keep him on the vent a few more days.

While I acknowledge their expertise, I am not inclined to passively agree to everything the doctors want to do.

I want to understand why this has gone on for days.

I am struggling because I don't know what questions I should be asking.

I am starting a list tonight. My sister and I can't advocate for our brother if we do not know and understand the ins and outs of Marlin's illnesses and the options for treatments.

Tomorrow Genie plans to ask for an explanation as to exactly what issues are keeping our brother on the vent.

I have come to realize that in this situation, for whatever reason, information is not volunteered. You must ask the right questions.

We don't know what the right questions are.

Just sayin'...............

Life In A Burn Unit ICU

I was only able to sit with Marlin for a couple of hours today.

The nurses usually re-dress his burns aound 10:00. Right now it takes two nurses almost two hours to unwrap, dress the burns and wash off the yuck from the day before and then re-wrap everything.

Family members are kicked out for this whole process.
Believe me when I say it is for the best.

Things were still much the same for Marlin. 
He was stable and seemed restful although extemely sweaty.
It is so hot in his room that even I am too warm.  He is going to be ill about that when he wakes up. I have never known a more hot natured person.

I will post again later today when I have a better update.
Please keep those prayers coming.

Last night I started a little peek into my day but gave up after describing my morning routine. It is so hard to type on a teeny tiny phone screen and even harder to see if I am typing the right words.

6:00 A.M.- Give up pretending to sleep and sit up. Try to act like you don't realize your hair is sticking up like the Joker from Batman. Maybe if you pretend it isn't as amazing as you know it is others will pretend alond with you.


6:10-Shuffle to the public restroom with everything of value that you have brought to pass the time.  This will require both hands, the crook of an elbow and a shoulder or two.


6:11-Wonder why the Hayhira you brought so much stuff. Particularly the five magazines you haven't touched yet, the laptop that you KNEW wouldn't be acessing the internet AND the IPad.


6:12-Try to remove the clothes you slept in without allowing any uncovered skin touch any surface. Remember that the lock on the door is broken. Stare at the door while you undress hoping that the others in the waiting room will alert any newcomers that this restroom is occupied.


6:13-Put on the baggy yoga pants you bought to wear because your jeans are too tight and may cut off circulation to your legs.




6:15-Wonder how to wash without a washcloth.


6:20-Realize the bathroom has no paper towels.


6:21-Say CRAP under your breath and wash anyway.

6:26-Try to pat yourself dry with your cleanest item from the day before.


6:28-Put on the baggy yoga pants you bought to wear because your jeans are too tight and may cut off circulation to your legs.


6:30-See yourself in the mirror and realize no amount of hairspray will help that hot mess on your head.


6:31-Wonder how you will dry your hair with no towel.
Remember the McDonald's napkins you saved from yesterday's dinner.


6:32-Wedge your head under the faucet and wash your hair.


6:35-Try to soak up some of the water with the McDonald's napkins.


6:36-Use the hand dryer to dry your hair just like you did when you were in High School and your hair got wet when you ran from the car into the McDonald's and you didn't want anyone to think you had gotten your hair wet when you ran from the car into the McDonald's.

6:43-Sincerely thank God for prompting the Fabulous and Incrediabley Talented Cade to suggest cutting your hair extra short at your last visit and that you said, "Go for it!"


6:44-Gather up everything you brought with you into the bathroom.


6:45-Wonder why the hayhira you brought SO. MUCH. STUPID. STUFF!


6:46-Wonder what your big hurry was...you can't get back in to see your brother until 8:00........


Just sayin'..........

News From Grady

I suppose necessity IS the mother of invention.

For some reason Grady Hospital doesn't see fit to allow me access to their Wi-Fi network. Apparently they do not recognize my degree from SOAP OPERA Medical, my graduate degrees from MOTHERHOOD Medical and ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER Medical or my doctorate from GOOGLE Medical.

I get the same sort of reaction from my doctor.
Frankly, it is becoming a bit tiresome.

Marlin is holding his own.

He remains on the vent and will do so indefinitely.
His doctors were unable to find a source of infection and continue to be puzzled as to the reason for his high temperature and his bout with the crazies. They will continue to keep him heavily sedated and on the vent until they are sure that there will be no repeat performance of Marlin From Outer Space.

They tell me his burns are healing as expected.
I wish I could lay eyes on them so I could form my own medical opinion but apparentlytheres that whole medical degree thing.(See above)

He may be facing a skin graft or two but the burns at least are following a normal pattern of healing.

We ask that you pray for the following things:
Complete healing of the burns without the need of skin grafts.
Wisdom for the doctors as they seek the source of the other issues that hinder his recovery.
Peace of mind for Marlin as he sleeps and heals.
Deliverance from the negative emotions that follow any accident.
Strength for my father and sister who are in the midst of their busy season.

Lastly, I want to give thanks for the way my children and husband have stepped up to the plate to make this as easy as possible for me. For my siblings because we love each other no matter what. For my people...you know who you are and you know what we do for each other. Box put us together for a reason.
For Chris who saved my baby brother's life. For bosses who have created a spirit filled work place and who allow us to put family first without guilt when we need to.

One more thing.......
I am typing this on my teeny tiny phone keyboard. Therefore, I deny all responsibility for the random periods that may show up between words instead of spaces.

Just sayin'............

Trial by Fire?



News photo of my brother at the scene of the first fire.
If this photo does not fracture your heart then
you have none.

 I was his first playmate.
He was my roommate and best buddy.

We kept each other entertained.
We argued.
Made up.
Argued some more.

But we always, always took care of each other.

He is the only person I will ever be a big sister to.

He heard my first secrets.
And I cried over a few of his.

He was brave when I was shy and I was good when he was bad.  Smile.

Why is this happening?  Again?

One fire doubles you over with grief
for a cherished pet trapped inside
and memories left charred.

A second?  That's just downright
ridiculous. Uncalled for.

Unfair.

How does it happen that what has
become his worst nightmare
repeats itself?

This is beyond irony.
It is sickening.
And heartbreaking.

My little brother lies in a burn unit
in Atlanta, Ga.

His legs, right arm and head are burned.
A machine breathes for him and he is
burning up with a fever of unknown
origin.

He is very sick.

His sweet Doctor Sarah looks hard
at me when she says "Your brother
is very sick. I'm worried."

I don't know what the next few days
will hold but my God does.

I don't know why this happened.
Again.
But my God does.
And He promised that He would never
leave us.

I find myself struggling to pray.
Overwhelmed. Frustrated.
I just want my brother to be okay.

Right now, we need
your prayers.

And for you to claim this promise with us.

Romans 8:26-28 (The Message)Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.
He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

With my head instead of
my heart,
I choose faith.

In the end, it is all any of us have
and it is the best that we have.

Please pray for my brother.

I was his first playmate
and he was my best buddy.

Just sayin'.............