Friday, April 22, 2011

I just can't pretend that today isn't a sad day for me.

My heart's desire was to be somewhere else today.

A place we both loved.

A place where waves roll in time to the beat of
my heart and the sand waits to catch the tears.

A place made of salt, sand, breezes and
the occasional dolphin dancing in the water.

A place where storms are as welcome as the sun.
Maybe even more so.

A place where seashells and smiles live.
Where family became family again.
Where food tasted better and had no calories.

I think it would have been easier there.

The infuriating thing about grief is that I am unable
to schedule it's attacks on my composure.

When I most want to cry...
to release some pent up
sorrow and anger...
stubborn tears refuse to come.

Other times when all I want to do is
get through.....
Survive it all
without a scene
the tears fall effortlessly and uncontrollably.

One short, endless, year ago today,
I held her hand for the last time
as her soul took flight.

It was at once the most painful
moment of my life and the most

Not good-bye.


See you later, Mama.
Dance with Jesus for me.

Just sayin'.............


  1. Oh Ann, I can't wait until we all can dance with Jesus.
    I've been praying for you all weekend. I read your blog and just cried.
    Thank you for sharing your heart with us,
    Love you

  2. Ann, I'm so sorry but I am so thankful that the Lord has carried you through this sad and painful time. I wish I could say something that would make the hurt go away and that would speed up the healing process but I there are no words. Just know that I love you and am praying for you!

  3. Ann - I'm just catching up on the blog. This is SO well said and so exactly how I still feel. It happens at the oddest of times - that lump in the throat. They do come fewer and farther between just like he told me they would but they feel just as hard when they come> Hugs to you - I got all my other Hargrove hugs this morning and they felt SO Good.. Love you - Lisa