Rainy Days

Wouldn't it be nice
if the rain could
wash away
more
than the pollen that
has plagued us lately?


If it somehow left our
hearts and souls
as clean and crisp
as the fresh washed air.


The music it plays
as it falls through the trees
is comforting and even the nearby streets seem
calmer,
quieter.


I am soothed
by its song but
like a fretful baby
I feel too restless to sleep.


Not a day has gone by
that I haven’t thought,
“Oh wow, it’s been days since I talked with mom!”


Often my phone is out
and my thumb is pushing the numbers
that always
led me to her voice
before I realize that
she doesn’t live here anymore.


That is when my heart breaks all over again.

I worry that I am not present enough
for the part of my family that lives in this house
and in this town with me.

I worry that I am not present for my father
and my brothers and sister who live in other towns.

I worry that I am not present enough for my students.


I told my sister that we will need to make a truce with the pain if we want to find peace.
We must barter with pain for its share of our hearts.
In exchange,
it will not take its leave of us but it will evolve.
It will recede with the tides of time…
returning though,
just as the waves do.


I believe that we will endure a time of high tide,
maybe a tsunami or two…
or two hundred.

Rouge waves of sorrow will surprise us
and find us staring at a phone
that won’t reach those we
miss the most.


More importantly,
I know that rainy days are
beautiful
and that peace
is promised


and it is coming.


Just sayin’.