Dear Cell Phone,

I realize that we have had a love/hate relationship for a while now. However, your recent behavior has created a huge desire on my part to fling you against the nearest brick wall. 

You have grown increasingly bold in your effort to hide from me. I have found you in some incredible locations. Locations in which I would never leave you!

Seriously, hiding in the pantry was a stretch but when you hid in the refrigerator and on the floor next to the toilet I immediately caught on to your evil plan to cause me to question at most my sanity and at least my need for ADHD medication.

On another note, why, why, why must you insist on ringing from another room just when I have settled down in my big chair with your friend Laptop. I find it almost impossible to safely deposit Laptop on the floor and run to your latest hiding place in time to take the call.

The inability to find you in time to answer the call brings up another issue.  Please ring several more times. Your impatience causes many callers to leave a message. You see, I don't listen to my messages. It's annoying and tedious to work my way through the voicemail menu. 

Finally, please refrain from the noise you make when I am having important conversations. Others might be duped into believing that the noise is static but I know the truth. Just because you are tired of conversations about the fascinating events in my life does not mean you are authorized to delete entire sentences with your bogus static.

Remember, I push your buttons.
You don't push mine.

Just sayin'.