Saturday, August 28, 2010

Have you ever had an issue that could turn your day from bright and sunny to cloudy with a chance of thunderstorms?

I have a few of those. 

They stick in my throat like a peanut butter sandwich on fresh bread sticks to the roof of your mouth.

The difference is that there is nothing good about it.
It is unpleasant from start to finish and there doesn't seem to be a way to avoid the whole process.

I wish I felt differently about things.

I wish I was always the better person.

But I am not.

I detest feeling used and taken for granted. 

I detest my usual laid back attitude being used to the advantage of an agenda that is counterproductive to my stress level and therefore my sanity.

Please don't advise honesty or forthrightness. 
They have not worked in the past and so most likely never will.
Some people are masters at seeing and hearing only those things that meet their needs.

I know you are thinking about forgiveness.
Why doesn't she forgive and move on?
Forgiveness is elusive.  Never as easily granted as it is advised.

My first name means grace.
My middle means bitter.

When examined objectively my names are an honest assessment of my personality. Generally, I am capable of extending grace to those surrounding me. I can look beyond slights, insults, and dislike to extend grace. 

There are some things though...steeped in bitterness.
Things I have been told are even deserving of bitterness.

I just wish I knew how to be the one that gets the prize once in a while. 


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