He Loves Me

A few days ago he told me he loved me.

It was the first time I have ever heard him say those words.

Oh, I knew he loved me. 

It was in the way he smiled when he first saw me every morning.
His smile is the playful, mischevious smile of a rascal. A smile outlined with hints of relief that I am there waiting for him and thus the world will rotate correctly on it's axis.

I knew he loved me.

It was in the way he said thank you when I made his world right
by giving him the purple scissors.
It was in the way he signed thank you when I finally understood 
what seemed so very clear to him. 

I knew he loved me.

Love was blatant in the way he tried to kiss my foot after stepping
on it for the thousandth!time!that!day. And it's in the way he wants
me to come see every little thing that intrigues him or how he picks
up the paper I've dropped before it hits the ground. 

This boy is a challenge.

He is stubborn,
intense,
distractible,
impulsive
and loud. 

But mostly, this boy is a gift. 

Because you see, he taught me far more than I taught him.

He taught me to be stubborn determined.
He taught me that if you persist even though others tell you it is okay to stop,
you will eventually be heard and understood.

He taught me to be intense joyful. 
He taught me that the everyday world is full of exciting things
to see, smell, taste, and touch.

That your favorite color is a thing to be celebrated
and helping others creates a joy that makes you
feel good about yourself.

He taught me to be distractible aware of the world around me.
There is much to see and too often we wear blinders,
oblivious to anything and anyone other than our own agendas.
There is beauty in purple construction paper and if you look at the tv
at just the right angle you can make silly faces at your reflection when the teacher is boring less than exciting.

And finally,
I learned that we humans put limitations where they do not belong.
The human spirit is immeasurable and therefore limitless.
All to often, we define others by what the experts deem possible. 

I believe God sets limits that we humans cannot envision or imagine. 
Because we cannot see them we do not reach for them.

He taught me that sometimes ignorance is bliss.
You see, some said that this boy would never talk. 

But a few days ago.....he told me that he loved me.

And that is why this boy is a gift.

Just sayin'.........

Dear Cell Phone,

I realize that we have had a love/hate relationship for a while now. However, your recent behavior has created a huge desire on my part to fling you against the nearest brick wall. 

You have grown increasingly bold in your effort to hide from me. I have found you in some incredible locations. Locations in which I would never leave you!

Seriously, hiding in the pantry was a stretch but when you hid in the refrigerator and on the floor next to the toilet I immediately caught on to your evil plan to cause me to question at most my sanity and at least my need for ADHD medication.

On another note, why, why, why must you insist on ringing from another room just when I have settled down in my big chair with your friend Laptop. I find it almost impossible to safely deposit Laptop on the floor and run to your latest hiding place in time to take the call.

The inability to find you in time to answer the call brings up another issue.  Please ring several more times. Your impatience causes many callers to leave a message. You see, I don't listen to my messages. It's annoying and tedious to work my way through the voicemail menu. 

Finally, please refrain from the noise you make when I am having important conversations. Others might be duped into believing that the noise is static but I know the truth. Just because you are tired of conversations about the fascinating events in my life does not mean you are authorized to delete entire sentences with your bogus static.

Remember, I push your buttons.
You don't push mine.

Just sayin'.  

Yardsale Hell

I enjoy GOING to yardsales.
I HATE giving yardsales.
It's the whole getting up
at the crack of dawn thing.

I have been putting this off
for months.  I even advertised
it once but backed out the night
before.

I left a note saying that unforseen
circumstances had arisen. 

I think I might have opened the
door to bad yardsale karma.

It's gonna be okay though because
this time I have two secret weapons.

My daughter and my cousin.
Sad that it takes both of them to
light a fire under me.

Whatever....it's working.

I have four rooms STUFFED with
JUNK. 
Wall to wall junk stuff.

You name it......
Betcha I've got it!

Toys, books, clothes, dishes,
crystal, fine china, appliances,
school supplies, educator resources,
furniture, home decor, craft
supplies, linens, curtains, rugs,
plastic plants, electronics.......

I might even slap a sticker on
a kid or two.....
or three....

Y'all come on by this weekend.

I'll probably throw the kids in for
free. 

Just sayin'......

Not My Mom

Everyone says that it gets better.
That it never goes away
but it will get better.
I don't believe that anymore.

How can something that doesn't
seem real get better? 
How could it?
I know that moms die.
I do know that.

Other people's moms though.
Not mine. 

Not mine.
She is my first memory.
She has always been there.
She has never not
been there.

She can't be gone.
Not my mother.
Not mine.

Just sayin'......

Dr Friend

I have known Dr. Friend for years.
I knew him before he became my doctor.
That's why I call him Dr. Friend.

I take full advantage of that friendship.
I admit that I talk back to him, self diagnose,
disagree with his diagnosis, remind him of memorable
embarrassing moments at inappropriate times and I
have even accused him of wanting to 'scope' me just so
could have some ammunition ofhis own.

I think he really likes it when I
have an appointment.

So I went to see Dr. Friend whose PA
pronounced me possessed depressed.

I was there for a follow up on the high blood pressure
reading I had last time. The time I promised him
that if he would hold off on the medication
I would walk. 
I promise!
For real!

So...he gave me a month.

I knew that if I went in this time and was honest
about all of my various complaints that out would
come the Depression checklist.

I was honest. I said that I couldn't sleep.
I'm always tired. I'm grumpy, fat and I worry a lot.

She got Dr Friendly. She told me she was
going to tell him she thought I was depressed.

Sigh.
Out it came. The list.

Do you feel sad?
Yes, Duh. My mom just
died and so did my cat. Not that they were on the
same par but still.....come on!
As if my mom dying isn't enough?
My cat!
Dies too!
Jeez.

Are you sleeping well?
No. Not since I spent several days functioning on
two hours of sleep at night and a two hour nap during the day.

Huh?
Well I couldn't leave her. I couldn't trust anyone else
to watch her breathe like I could. I had help. 
I just couldn't leave her.

Have you been exercising?
(Smile) Yeah right.
Like that's gonna happen.
Oh shoot! I was gonna try
to avoid that confession.

Are you anxious? Worried?
Well, only about making the four mortgages and
if Governor Traitor will furlough me more and if
we will ever sell or rent any of these houses and
who I will be working with next yearand....
well the list goes on.
Because worry? It's what I do best.

In the end, I left with instructions to exercise
(and he doesn't care if I'm too tired or not just do it),
eat healthier and up that medication that NO ONE ever
wants me to skip.

Whatever...
He's bossy.

Anyway, my blood pressure was perfect.

Just sayin'.............................

I was in the dog house a while back....


I just wanted to help.


Tony has been trying to keep up three yards.


I thought that I would do one yard a day that week
so that he could spend his weekend on projects he
really wanted to do.


So I mowed our front yard one day.  It's scary because
we have this one bank that is almost a cliff.  I found out
that sometimes you have to go up and down the cliff hill
and not across because lawn mowers CAN tip over.


The next day I mowed our back yard. 

The backyard that looks
like this from the top.

And like this from the botttom.

Yeah....scary.

Of course I congratulated myself the rest of
the day.  After all, I braved the sufficating
heat and the scary cliffs in the front AND backyard. 
I figured I gotta be racking up points in the
-I'll bet none of your friends' wives mow
the huge scary yards etc'-catagory of
Reasons Why Ann should Get Her Way This Time.

Having recieved sufficient praise and kudos
from the aforementioned spouse I decided
to tackle the yard at his former house that we
are using as a storage facility for all the stuff
we've been too lazy to move to the new house
,take to Goodwill or sell.  preparing to rent.

Front yard-easy!

Back yard-Ummmm...
that would be the yard that broke the lawn
mower.  The one he lurves! 

The grass was probably taller than the mower I was riding on.  No problem. 
I just had to use the highest setting, take it slow and things would be just fine.

I first noticed a problem when BLACK smoke began pouring from the engine
area. Using my MENSA like deductive skills to determine that there was a
problem, I quickly cut the engine off.

Then I exited the yard. 

And drove home.

The phone conversation later that day went like this:

Him-Hey, I just thought of something. You aren't gonna go try to mow the yard at my old house
are you?

Me-Um, yeah I did.

Him-Okay, well you just mowed the front, right?

Me-Well....no.

Him-Oh.  Please tell me you didn't use the
love of my life
mower I love more than you
red mower.

Me-........................................................
Yeah, I'm gonna need to talk to you  about that.

That's about all of the conversation I can write here and still claim that
this is a family friendly blog........

Anyway, I was just trying to help.

Just sayin'...........

Slivers

my heart remains
slivers of glass
that leave me breathless
when i move the wrong way 

the pieces won't fit
together
it will remain broken
for now

neither tears
nor conversations
nor sympathy
are balm for this
pain

only God
and time
will heal

slivers of
my heart
glisten 
like glass

sharp and dangerous 
drawing blood
when memories crowd in

yet beautiful
because it broke for her

Wanted: Prayers

I have a friend is very sick.
We work together and we attend the same church. 
I have known, admired
 and respected this person for many years now.

She has the kind of quiet faith that
screams God's
love and grace
each time she smiles.

That smile...
that smile and her quiet voice
are such a huge part of her personality.

Her calm spirit helped her reach hundreds
of difficult students during her career as an educator.

I wish I were more like her.

Her retirement this spring
made those of us blessed to work with her
immeasurably
sad.

Our little school will be lacking
an important source of insight,
knowledge,
experience,
talent and
encouragement
in the year to come.  

Anyway, to all eight of you who read this blog,
please pray for my friend.

Her struggle is mighty right now
and her suffering is more than unfair.

Remember

Remember.

To feel content
In this
Moment.
Of this day.

To see.
Really see the small
Details.
The ones that
Underpin our days
With routine
And dependability.

To love.
Love out loud
Those we see every day.
The ones there when
We sleep and again
When we wake.

To trust.
Choose to trust in a
God we will never
Understand
Because he is God.
And we are not.

To hate.
Hate all manner of
Unkindness
And injustice.

To act.
To do something.
Anything.
Just do it.

To wait.
Wait
on the still,
small voice.
The one so very hard to hear
In the cacophony of life.

To listen.
To God,
To children,
To birds
And crickets
And frogs.

And to Believe.
Believe in
Faith,
Hope and
Love.
But mostly-

Love.

I Didn't Know

To my friends who said good-bye to a parent here in this life

Before I said good-bye to Mom….

I am so, so, so sorry.
I didn’t know.

I didn’t know how much it hurt.

How the pain takes your
Breath
Away.

How it lives just beneath the
Surface of everyday life.

Waiting.

Forgive me please if you felt I
Trivialized your pain.

I never meant to.

I just didn’t know.

A Summertime Country Dinner

Oh. My. Goodness!

Fried cube steak,
buttery corn,
black eyed peas,
cherry tomatoes and
fresh cucumbers.

Is it wrong to lick your
plate if you're the cook?

Just asking!