Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Feeling Sorry for Myself

Long ago, I ceased forcing my own children to apologize and extended that policy into my classroom.

You see, it occurred to me that an insincere apology means

Apologies are for mistakes.

Apologies are for actions for which you feel regret.

I now tell my students that saying, “I’m sorry” is what you do when your action was an accident. I tell them that you should apologize as soon as you realize you have accidentally hurt someone.

I also tell them that when we purposely do something hurtful
and we feel no regret then apologies mean

When this happens I dole out the consequence and tell the offender to apologize when they are really sorry for what happened.

In the same way,

concern expressed out of guilt is not sincere concern.

Concern expressed because it is the ‘right thing’ to do is false.

Concern expressed because it has been requested of you, is a lie.

A serious accident,
like that suffered by my brother,
can leave loved ones feeling unbalanced.

The realization that bad things happen
to your people too
is dizzying.

The disinterest of the very people you assumed would jump into action,
is heartbreaking.

Never for one moment think,
that I don’t appreciate those who did respond quickly and generously.

You know who you are and you will remain forever heroes to my family and me.

It’s just that…….

I thought my church would be first responders.

I have seen them jump to action to love sinners of all kind.

I assumed that they would love on this sinner too.

Marlin’s accident is no secret.
It has been all over Facebook and I am FB friends with most of the ministers and many church members.

The church members I HAVE heard from?
Except for one they are also co-workers.

If you have been reading this blog for any length of time then you know how it is where I work.
We take care of each other.

I NEVER complain about church stuff lightly.

I am a preacher’s kid.
I have never forgotten the time my dad was blessed out for not visiting or calling to check on a church member when the family had never called to tell him that they were in crisis.

I know how hard pastors work and
I know all about missed meals with the family
and long hours and being expected to be at every.single.event.

But the church is more than ministers.

I learned a little poem as a child.
Here’s the church. (Clasp hands together with fingers to inside.)
Here’s the steeple. (Place tips of index fingers together)
Open the door. (Open palms)
Here’s all the people. (Wiggle fingers)

The church is full of people.

I heard from one.

My feelings are hurt.

I thought I mattered too.

I feel small.

Just sayin’…………………………………..

1 comment:

  1. Oh Ann, I am so sorry. Sadly, I understand this because I thought I would have heard from certain friends with my mom's open heart surgery and got nothing. Not even a thinking of you. It does hurt and it hurts worse when you need the support.

    You know although I am not at FBC any longer my childhood church members are still ones I hear from first.

    Love and hugs to try to make the hurt a little less.