Sunday, April 22, 2012

Two Years Today

 This was a post I wrote on April 22nd of last year. I tried to write again but Life goes on and sometimes tears and sadness have to take a back seat to proms and laundry. I miss her more than I ever thought I could but I have found that for me grief cannot be scheduled. It always comes when it wants. So today I nod in grief's direction and get on with the business of life. 

I'll think of our favorite place, Mom. It always helps to remember those good times with you.  Love you!

Ann Marie

I just can't pretend that today isn't a sad day for me.

My heart's desire was to be somewhere else today.

A place we both loved.

A place where waves roll in time to the beat of
my heart and the sand waits to catch the tears.

A place made of salt, sand, breezes and
the occasional dolphin dancing in the water.

A place where storms are as welcome as the sun.
Maybe even more so.

A place where seashells and smiles live.
Where family became family again.
Where food tasted better and had no calories.

I think it would have been easier there.

The infuriating thing about grief is that I am unable
to schedule it's attacks on my composure.

When I most want to cry...
to release some pent up
sorrow and anger...
stubborn tears refuse to come.

Other times when all I want to do is
get through.....
Survive it all
without a scene
the tears fall effortlessly and uncontrollably.

One short, endless, year ago today,
I held her hand for the last time
as her soul took flight.

It was at once the most painful
moment of my life and the most

Not good-bye.


See you later, Mama.
Dance with Jesus for me.

Just sayin'.............

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